COMMENTARY
Janice Okun: So it’s come down to this — SPAM
J anice Okun
Updated: 06/04/08 8:32 AM
Ihad a brand new culinary experience the other day, and in a professional life that’s been pretty much devoted to eating everything, that doesn’t happen too often.
I tried SPAM, the canned cooked “luncheon meat” that’s been manufactured by the George Hormel Co. of Austin, Minn., since 1937. The SPAM “Classic” combination of ham, pork, sugar, salt, water, modified potato starch and sodium nitrite has become sort of a national institution by now, and a national laughingstock, too, I guess.
It was said to be a mainstay of the troops in World War II; Monty Python spoofed it; and we all know about SPAM annoyance on the Internet. (It probably got its name from the Monty Python skit that included the repetitive quote: “SPAM, SPAM, SPAM ...”)
But I digress. I had never eaten SPAM but was recently moved to try the stuff — as a vital part of my education. A wire story in The Buffalo News said that its sales were rising because it’s considered inexpensive at a time when many other food costs are rising.
I eat a lot of stuff my friends turn up their noses at. It was time to expand my repertoire.
SPAM does have some virtues. It is inexpensive (about $2.62 for a 12-ounce can), and it has a very long shelf life. I even admire the trim squarish shape of the can.
But here’s my review: No stars.
As far as appearance goes — SPAM is unappealing. It is the pinky color of a plastic Band Aid (must be the nitrites ) and it looks oily, too. The label told me it was OK so I ate it straight from the can first. (My husband left the room, but I told you I was adventurous.) After all, I reasoned, wouldn’t the GIs have done that, too?
Oddly enough, the flavor was relatively bland and I think I expected it to be saltier or even spicier, like sausage. But there’s a definite chemical flavor. Grease also. Not that grease has necessarily to be a drawback. Readers of this column know that I am not against grease, per se. It can even be an attraction, as in hot dogs or french fries or wings.
But not, I repeat, NOT as in motor oil.
Next, I tried the SPAM fried. Anything tastes better fried, right?
Just popped some butter in a skillet and diced the stuff up, threw in a couple of eggs and scrambled the whole thing.
Better. Much better. But it’s never going to win the Taste of Buffalo — or even a taste of Austin, Minn., if it comes to that.
Inexpensive food may become a necessity. Shelf-stable food, especially in an area like ours that gets extreme weather, is a definite necessity. But I can think of several other foods I love that fit the bill.
Kraft Dinner. No other brands accepted.
Chipped Beef. Don’t laugh. Canned Tuna. Depending on desperation level you can eat it right out of the can or package or even, in a sort of gastronomic swoop, mix it with the Kraft dinner and shovel it in while watching some kind of crazy film on an quiet Saturday night.
Canned soup. Just so you know that I’m not a food snob, I will stand up and tell you proudly that I love many kinds of canned soup — like Progresso Minestrone or Campbell’s Tomato or even Cream of Mushroom (in the full sodium version, please).
Nothing scares me. I’ve eaten snake in China; I’ve eaten horse meat in France; I’ve crunched into little birds in Italy, bones and all (though that was pretty bad).
But a person has to have some standards. I’m drawing the line at SPAM.
